4 years ago my whole life 180’d. At the end of March, 2010 i quit my television career of 10 years and a month later, at the end of April, my wife and i separated after being together for 12 years. Despite the fact that the writing was on the wall for both of those events, it doesn’t change the fact that 12 years was undone in 1 very heavy month. My life continued to spiral dangerously out of control over the next two years. I didn’t deal with any of the emotional fallout. I pushed myself too hard. I refused to see what was good around me and i often put myself in dangerous situations. More bad shit happened over that two year period. I lost friends. I almost lost my businesses. I lost the girl of my dreams. I barely recognized myself or any aspects my life.
But all of that shit needed to happen. I realize now that it was the best thing to happen to me. I’m not writing this to feel good about myself for making it through it all. I’m writing this to let you know that if you’re having a shitty patch of life right now, that no matter how dark your days seem, it will get better if you want it to. You just need to want it to. We only get one crack at this life and we need to soak it all in, the good and the bad and for there to be the greatest good, you sometimes have to wade through some waist deep shit. Every person and every experience we have, for better and for worse, should teach us something positive about ourselves and the world around us. We just need to have enough humility to see it. To see our part in it all, accept responsibility for our mistakes and work harder, every day to be the best of ourselves.
I encourage anyone who is suffering from depression or having some dark days to seek out help. From friends, family, professionals. Anyone. Just find it. There are people who care and there are people who love you. As hard as it was to lose several people from my life who i loved greatly, i see now in looking back that those people needed to leave. They may not have been the best people for me. And i may not have been the best person for them. Some of them simply didn’t know the meaning of the word friendship and their leaving made room for better people, and more amazing friends, to enter my life and enrich it fully.
Stay strong, friends. You are loved.