The Breaking Point.
I’ve been there. Maybe you’ve been there. Maybe you or someone you know are there right now. If so, then this post is for you…
Now, when i say “breaking point” i’m not talking about having a couple of bad days. I’m not talking about feeling some stress or pressure from your job or your home life. I’m talking about that breaking point where you feel utterly hopeless and desperate. Where you don’t feel human. Where breathing hurts and you can’t even open your eyes without tears endlessly flowing from them. Where the anxiety keeps you from eating and the despair makes every cell in your body ache. I’m talking about being broken.
Someone i know and care about is there right now. And it’s painful to watch not only because i know how they feel but because i can see how painful it was for others to watch me go through it too.
Whether you got to that point through a string of unfortunate circumstances that left life feeling out of your control…or through a lifetime of bad decisions…or through a complete lack of awareness of the path you were on…or a combination of it all doesn’t really matter. The fact is, you’re here now. And what happens next is entirely up to you.
If you ARE there right now then what i’m about to say seems unlikely – but i can promise you this is the best thing to ever happen to you. No really. It’s absolutely true.
That is, so long as YOU recognize that things can’t go on this way and that you NEED to make real, hard change in your life. That real hard change comes with a lot of painful introspection. You need to challenge yourself to see what choices or mistakes you made that led you here. You need to OWN those choices and mistakes and take responsibility for them. You need to acknowledge the uglier parts of yourself that aren’t nice to see. You need to stop being a victim and you need to stop pointing fingers. You need to accept that some, and maybe many, of the people in your life aren’t there for your best interest.
You need to avoid self-medicating. Getting drunk or getting high doesn’t get to the root of the problem. It just distracts. It just makes things worse when you’ve sobered up. And all those people that want to get you drunk or high with them are NOT out for your greater good. They’re out for theirs; because they need someone with them in their own path of self-destruction. They need you to feel better about their own bad life choices. And they need to go.
Maybe you can find some relief in prescription medication like anti-depressants but these too are only temporary fixes. If you’re not doing the work to truly address what it is that led you to this point all those medications can do is mask what still lies beneath the surface. Sure, maybe you’ll feel like you’re in a happy bubble but if you have even the slightest bit of self-awareness you’ll know that nothing has really changed. You’ll know that it’s all still there, remaining painfully just beneath the surface. If you’ve been prescribed medication, use it to get yourself to a point of functionality again. But do not come to rely on pills. Come to rely on yourself and the strengths that you have within you, whether you see them or not, to start building the life you truly want from the ashes of all that fell around you.
Take comfort in your friends and family. I know when you’re broken it feels like you’re utterly alone but there are absolutely people around you who love you. You CANNOT do this alone. Talk to your loved ones; candidly, honestly. Talk to a councilor or a professional who you like and can relate to. Be honest with them and be honest with yourself. Own your shit. Take responsibility for where you are and don’t play the victim. Let your friends help lift you up and be the best of you.
Start rebuilding with the simple things. The smallest things that give you just an ounce of joy in a day. For me it was my dogs. A beautiful sunset spilling brilliant colour across the sky. The smell of the earth and trees and plants in the ravine by my house. Getting back to nature. Looking for petrified wood in the creek. Reading a comic book at the end of a long day. The simple things.
Disconnect yourself from the phone or the computer. Unplug the social media. Try something new; something you’ve always wanted to do. And take some time to breathe.
That’s the first step and that alone will help start putting things into perspective.
Life IS amazing. And beautiful. But your life is absolutely what YOU decide to make of it. No one else can make your life fulfilling. No one else can truly make you happy. Only you can. So take control of it, pursue what you love and leave the self-destruction behind. Focus on the positives. Change your perceptions. Don’t focus on what’s bad. Focus on what’s good instead. Focus on those simple and happy things. Focus on your passions. Don’t mire yourself in negativity and don’t pride yourself in taking others down. No one wins that way, least of all you.
It takes time. And energy. A lot of it. And sometimes it’s all easier said than done – but i promise you it’s so fucking rewarding when you finally get there. And once you have, you’ll realize that you won. You’re stronger for it. You’re better for having gone through it. And you can survive almost anything.
Love and respect to all.